The new year has started out pretty good for me. I have gotten

a new car, color, black, what else;) I also started a new job last

week. Not the most perfect job, but I make decent money.

Last week was a learning trail and error thingy. I have been

self conscious about myself and making mistakes, feeling some

anxiety and unsure of myself. I can be kinda a perfectionist,

be hard on myself, and I hate that I put myself through unnecessary

shit! I know I am just feeling myself around my new surroundings,

and it will take time. I guess I am just scared of making mistakes or

failures. I know none of us are perfect and I should just give myself

time, BUT damn I am a worry wart LOL!!! I will take many deep


Every since Sunday something within me has felt off,

unbalanced. I have felt this way before and I hate it.

It feels like a oppression, some type of darkness, fog

rolling around in my mind and thoughts. I could be just my

nerves and anxiety getting the best of me. I will definitely

pray about it, and a firm believer that prayer does, and has

worked in my life. Even dark angels pray;)….

Last Friday night I went to a tattoo parlor and got my

nose pierced. I have no idea what I was thinking that

it would be done like having your ears pierced…NOT!

It hurt like hell, and I was a real trooper:). It hurt so bad it

made my eyes water. I wanted it done because I thought

girls with them looked cute, maybe, it’s just a mid-life

crisis, who knows, but I still look cute LOL!!

I really think all I am doing though is exploring myself,

letting my real personality come out because growing up

I think I felt caged, too insecure, and now I feel like I know

myself more and feel secure enough to let my weirdness

shine, be who I am. I have my insecurities like everyone,

have my good and my bad days, and I know whatever

funk I am in, this too shall pass…..